The other day I started googling "life after college graduation" and "leaving college," hoping to find some kind of essay or something that somebody wrote about the process of moving on. I guess this is my weird moving-on quirk, it's like I'm just searching to find meaning in all of this and for someone to validate that what I'm feeling is real. I feel like this is one of those essays we should have read in high school out of our Norton Reader. Well, in case you were wondering, Google failed me. All I found were quotes for high school students going off to college and survival guides telling college graduates how to get hired for a job and cook food on a stove instead of in a microwave. There are so many essays, quotes, song, you name it on going off to college, but it's like the world has forgotten about those who are leaving college. This becomes just as much of a comfort zone as home was when we were younger.
The other day I found myself thinking back to freshman year and thinking "Wow, I really miss McFarlane." Then I started thinking about how I also really missed living in Briggs, and Chappell St., and high school, and pretty much every other point in my life and strangely, that made me happy. How good is my life if I'm looking back at so many parts of my life and wanting to go back for more? People always say that high school or college or whatever time is supposed to be the best years of your life--but all of mine have been good.
On Sunday my friend who is also leaving was telling me how this has been a very emotional season for her and asked me how I was handling it. Honestly, I'm at peace with this even though it's terrifying. I'm not even sure I can identify what I'm at peace with, but I know that God is good and at least for now I'm just going to rest in that. Part of what makes it so good to look back on my life and long for more is that I didn't stay in many of these places long enough to become complacent. Knowing that you can't stay where you are forever really makes me appreciate every moment.
I could keep going on and on, and I'm sure I eventually will, but I'm going to cut myself off for now. I guess basically my point is, regardless of everything that has happened in the past three years, I don't regret a thing. If I had to go back and do it all over again I would still fight with my friends over the stupidest things because we're all too stubborn to admit we're wrong, go for the guy I knew I shouldn't, and make more mistakes than I could ever even imagine because in the end everything turned out perfect. Staying up until 4 in the morning freshman year doing absolutely nothing, sophomore year laughing so hard everyday my stomach hurt and learning how near God really is, almost burning the house down a million times junior year, and finally learning to relax this year--this is how I will remember this season of my life. Life is good :)
“I felt myself wanting to stay in this moment forever because nothing was ever going to be this perfect or this complete again.”
-Pearl Cleage
